- Love Sick -

Love sick...
act i don reali noe wat's the definition n the real meanin of love sick..
haha..
yesterday when i woke up at 5pm..
(yea..5pm..@.@)
i went to the kitchen n wanted to find some food..
but end up drinkin guava juice..
n thanks to the botol..
i cut my finger..it bleed for half n hour+..@.@..
yesterday i broke my own record..
i din talk to any human being face to face n i din c any human being..
but luckily i chat online..or else i think i'm mad d..
mayb i felt lonely yesterday...
suddenly had a feelin dat how gd will it b if i hv a bf now..
haha...if....
well...my fellow frenz will sure say dat u still hv us mer..
hehe...i'm lucky to hv frenz dat cares & loves me lots...
I love u all lotsss too..^^
yesterday dreamt of somethin again d...
dunno whether it's gd or bad...
but it's definately wat i'm afraid of...
"love"...
scars r dere n wounds dat haven fully recovered...
sounds pathetic..
anyway...i hv my BS paper n marketing paper to get prepared...
so i hv to take a gd rest & fight for my tmr's BS paper..
Vampire Bik..Jia You!!!^^
i bcame Vampire Bik d coz i onli c the moonlight n active in the dark..
when the sun rises i ZzzZz..@.@..time terbalilk d..
No doubt after exam sure insomnia..
n dat's me..^^
wanna go slp d...
chaozz...
ZzzZz..


"slp well..rest well...take care of yourself"
from Vampire Bik..(hehe..^^)

- This Night -

This night...
it's a peaceful night...
listenin to music..online chatting with my frenz...
not into the mood of studyin...
tryin to relax...
stay out from stress...
don think...don worry...
calm down...
well...it's oredi 3am d...
but i'm still up...
jz read on articles regarding to insomnia n stilnox...
done some studies on it...
figuring out which type of insomnia dat i've got..
hv to destress when it's time to do so...
Well...thinking of havin a break after the exams...
wanna go cameron highlands...
but still finding ppl to go together...
jz cant find the right person...
some ppl find dat cameron's boring..
some says dat it's not the right timing..
hmm...anyway...if it turns out dat no ppl's interested in goin...
i guess i'll go by myself den...
nd some new space n nice break for wat i've gone thru for the past few months...
not reali a good start for a new life...
i'll travel around.."san san xing"...go wherever i wanna go...
den it's time to go back penang d...
go back to my home sweet home...
my own home dat i've leave for quite some time..
have to go back accompany my parents n my doggie d...
spend my long holidays with my family members and frenz in penang...
it's time to live a new life...
i'll be back soon...
real soon...
no matter wat will happend in future..
no matter how many times i hv to fall n stand up again..
i'll never ever give up and make others worry for me...
i'll be fine n i will...^^
suddenly feelin like hugging someone...
it's so lovely if dere is someone for m e to hug now..^^
too bad my roommate's not here...luckily she's not here too..
or else she'll totally gonna freak out...@.@

Anyway....
Thank you very much for ya concern..
I love you!^^
Miss you....^^
see u soon..^^

- Stress 2 -

I'm here again to distress d..
now it's gonna 7am d..
but i'm still up..
doin accounting past year....
@.@
oo..~~..accounts..@.@..
i guess i'll slp at 9am or mayb 10am..
cant slp...
insomnia..
wanna slp ler..
miss my bed..miss my blanky..
n oso my sweet dreams...
guess wat?i forgotten when's my last sweet dream d...
keep on havin nitemares...
dreams dat scares me..
yesterday i dreamt of i'm so pissed off..
den throwin things...wat kinda dream is dis??@.@
nitemare...=S
forgotten when's the last time i'm angry d oso..
but dat's definately a negative feelin..make ppl feel so uneasy..
it's better to stay calm..(hehe..i like the mood dat i'm havin now..)
i'm kinda worried now...
i'm havin hair fall problem again d..
not enough slp..stress..T.T
so scary...i don wanna b bold soon...
i hv dat little hair onli...
haihz...in a dilemma now ler...
grow or cut my hair??
haihz...
act i prefer short hair...
but.....i wanted to try..duno how will i look with long hair...
will i look more mature?more ladylike?
scared dat my answer will b "BOLD"...@.@
damn scary...

i'll stop here..
continue with accounts past year d..

- Stress -

Now it's exam period...
war begins...
however it's half way throughout the war d..
2subjects down n 3 more to go...
my next war field will b : Accounting!
!@$@$%&*^)&^(*&%#$#$
yea...dat's wat i'll describe for Accounting...
i reali reali @#$$#%$^(*&%^$% Accounting...
but wat to do?
i don hv any choice...
i can onli pass it...
so for my own sake..
i'll hv to telan the Accounting past years + Accounting theories..
soon all the figures and theories gonna burry me alive...@.@

reali super damn stress...
underpressure...
mayb i reali overstress myself d..
i hv to do better than a pass..
(no matter how oso cannot fail..!!)
haihz...
i cant let my parents down...
they r growin older day by day...
they work so hard jz for me n my bro...
they deserve to hv a much more relaxing life..
they do not show their stress in work..
they din show their tireness in giving us a better life...
what can i do for them???
Answer: study harder to score better results...
i don wanna let them down...
i don wanna c their disappointed faces when they c my results...T.T
yea...wat i'm doin now?
cryin...T.T
i'm dat weak...
cant help myself..
tears keep on droppin..
i'm so helpless when it comes to my family...
i love them more than any word can describe..
no matter how i hv to reali study harder...
reali reali reali reali stressssssssss.......

think i gotta distress d...
gonna explode d...
recently sot sot dei d...
mood swing super damn geng...
tmr i'll bubble call my parents...
n tell them..."Daddy, I Love U!".."Mummy, I Love U!"...
"Thank You for everythin...I Love u all..."..
No doubt...for sure...i'll cry again...T.T
reali so damn useless...
haihz...better don cry...cry d it will take me more than 1hour to stop..
jz like now...cryin nonstop again d...
tmr i'll look like a goldfish d...@.@

I love my Daddy Mummy Panda brother a lots lots lots n lots...(infinity)
how can i suppose to continue my life if i lose either 1 of u...
I'll try my best to be a good daughter n a better sis...
make u all feel beloved too..^^
"Neomu Neomu Sarangheayo!!(love pose)"..^^

n of course...to my beloved frenz..
I love u all lots...
u all r the most coolest frenz ever...
support me n care for me so so so much...
although i know i always make u all feel wanna vomit blood..
speechless after listenin to my "long gas" talk...
so sorry abt dat....>.< (sratch head)
reali happy dat u all r there for me when i'm helpless..
feelin so beloved...
thank you for everythin...
i reali reali reali do love u all a lotss....
i'll spend my whole life with u all for sure...
anythin i'll b dere for u all...
24/7 on call o...

now feelin better d lor...
hv to continue with accounts d..@.@
Chaozz...

- I Miss You -

Words that I wanted to say to you..
The words that made me sad in my heart..
"..I miss you..
..I miss you..
..I miss you.."

Where are you?
Why are you not there?
I cant hear you..
I really miss you..
I cant help thinking about you..
I need somebody there for me..
I'm waiting for that somebody..
This sickness and darkness's creeping and haunting me in my dreams..
I need you to be there..

Since that day..
i cant stop the tears that shed in my heart..
misses somebody until forgetten about myself..
If i can meet you again..
I'll hug you tight..
I'll never give up..
I wanna say..
"Baby I'm Sorry.."

..Just like a fool..

..Even if it hurts a little,
My heart cries out every time when I think of you..
Although I only think of you, misses you..
Although you mean everything to me..
In front of you, I can't do anything..
As if i'm not the one for you,
As if this is a moment that will pass and fade away,
I can't seem to be able to take a step closer to you..
What is in your mind?
What do you really want?
You make me restless, you make me tear,
Like a fool, like a child,
Why is it that only my love is slow?
Why is it that only love is painful for me?
As if you're my last,
As if this is the last moment..

If I were to get close to you.
What would you think?
I'm afraid...
Just like a fool..
I can’t even say I love you..
Because i’m afraid of the barriers that comes upon us,
I am afraid of the pain and the saddening days expected after falling in with you.
I know I am a fool..
A fool that is not perfect and can only watch you from far..
Now your heart may look away from me,
and so we could even become strangers..

Till the very end..
I'm still a fool..

..love..

I thought you were my love..
I thought you were my everything..
I believed that you would be my last love and only love..
I believed in your love and believe that it will bring happiness..
Love had hurt me..
Love took away my heart..
Love had teared my heart apart
Being loved by one person..
Giving love to one person..
I foolishly believed that that person would be you..

They said that..
When you cry, you can close your eyes and clearly see that person..
When you forget and ignore, you’ll remember that person even more..
It was a mistake to love you too much, a mistake to love you so much..
Because of you, because of what I love, I suffer from waiting..
To love you more was a mistake, a mistake to desire you so much..
I should have loved you with my whole life and now you’re going to forget me and fade away..

I knew I would love only one person
I knew I would wait for only one person
I knew it all to myself
Because I loved you more, it’s a sin,
Because I missed you more it was a sin
Because of you, I cried because of my sins
Please meet a good person and be happy..
Treat the person good and live happily..

Day by day, though I try to throw you away,
It seems I still have regrets..
Even though separation's scars do hurt..
The more I push forward, the more I can't budge a step

"I Love You..I really really Love You.."
Don't say such things so easily,
Because love cries, it cries....

..Words to express...

..At first we couldn't meet but how is it so different now?
Still you don't know how much I want to keep on meeting you..
You keep me alive so that I can feel you..
Even though we are so different..
our hobbies are different and our thoughts are different..
..I don't want a love that will evaporate away like soap bubbles..
A love that will be felt without words..that is the love I want

I'll try to say the awkward words of love
(I love you, I love you..I really do love you..)
Even on days where I'm tired,
I'll hide my tired expression just for you
In my daily dairies there is nothing but talks of you..
It would be nice if we were happy..

I'm an idiot..
Your unforgettable love..
The final tears are ripping away at my whole heart
Its ripping away..
(I'm Sorry..I'm so sorry..)

I thoughtlessly walk wherever my heart takes me,
It seems I am looking for those that look similar to you
I'm still standing at the same place..
Why are you not there?
..can I not see you?
Are my eyes looking too far?
Still you stay, branded in my heart unmoving.
What do I do? What should I do?
I trusted that I would meet a love like you again
The pain of you branded in my heart is death
What do i do?

I guess I'm exhausted.
Left alone I wander,
looking for the love left in the empty space where you were.
It is so much worse than simply waiting..
I became so similar to you that I copied even your habits..
There is more of you inside me than myself..
now i realise it..
It cannot be you
I am so miserable..
leaving only scars that will never heal
leaving me as my miserable self..
I'm so stressed, what do I do?